New Year Has Brought New Me

With a birthday looming next week, I analyze the new Greg of 2023

I’ve been very quiet on here simply because I’ve been busy in another part of my creative life. I last wrote in February of my adventures doing background work and a student film. I had no idea what would happen in the two months since then. It’s been a whirlwind of creativity and I’ve simply been riding the wave…and loving it.

A friend told me I’m living the life I came to New York in 1987 to live. Back then I was a wide-eyed teen who had visions of being on Broadway in musical theater or writing the next great American musical…whichever came first. Well, ummm…that never happened. I did manage to carve out my corner in the artistic world and do many things in my life, but the pandemic really took me off my game. For some reason, 2023 has my creative energy at a place I haven’t seen in probably a decade. Yes I’m writing (which has been my go-to for several years now), but the craziest part for me is that I’ve become an actor again. What that 18 year old that moved to NYC to do has become a reality and I can sort of say I’m a working actor. What?!

However, it’s not about doing theater right now, I’ve fallen in love with film and TV work. It’s a completely different world from that of a theater actor where you spend weeks rehearsing and then hearing that audience each night with an instant reaction to your work. (It’s also a completely different style of acting and I keep telling myself to pull back.) This world is being cast as a different character, sometimes each week, creating a backstory for that character, quickly memorizing lines, and shooting it all and then moving on. I’ve found I really love being on a set and watching how each team creates an environment for people to work. I’m learning the type of people I enjoy working with. I’m also discovering who I am as an actor.

Actors hear about “type” all the time when auditioning for a role. What type are you? This has always been hard for me as I think of myself a musical theater guy so I’m the type that breaks out into song. Not so much when it comes to submitting yourself for roles via online acting sites which calls for you to self tape an audition. (Side note: many people hate self tapes, but I’ve learned to embrace them and find it so different from the hours I would wait in line back in the early 90s for live auditions.) So after having done four short films, 3 documentary reenactment type of shows, one photo shoot and some background acting work…I’ve zeroed in on what I enjoy most.

Creating a character. Becoming someone other than myself. Diving into this person to understand what makes them tick and why they are here in this very moment in the film saying the words they are saying. I love all of it! The strangest part is what “type” I’ve ended up getting cast in the most and my decision to lean into it. I’m the bully. I’m the guy who is cocky and struts when he walks. I’m the man who outwardly might appear nice as a priest or a mayor, but underneath he is layered with serious issues of control, ego, and pride. It’s been a lot of fun to discover these men and bring them to life. I love the challenge of doing it all quickly in the moment, choosing a route to go and then running with it. Listening to the director between takes and making adjustments while staying in the zone of my character until I hear “action” again. It’s an adrenaline rush like nothing else. It’s using a part of my creative brain I’m not used to tapping into. It’s challenging and it’s new and it’s feeding my creative soul.

One huge difference from the young man I was when I was pounding the pavement as an actor in the early 90s is that I’m not trying to make a living at it. It’s not paying my bills since I have my real job (also in the arts). So that means I can pick and choose what I want to do and not take anything and everything that comes along. It also means I’m more relaxed and have a “whatever comes” attitude instead of a deep longing to run from project to project. Sure I’ve been busy doing this outside of my regular job, but the creative spirit from these side gigs have also energized what I do in the real world.

Of course with film unlike theater, you create all of this for the moments you’re on set and then you wait and wait to see what the final product will look like. I’ve seen a few film stills, maybe a scene here and there, but still waiting to see most of the work I’ve helped to create the past three months. So at this point, I can only go by how it feels to me on set, feedback from a director, and hope that what I’m feeling inside my mind is conveying correctly on film. Perhaps I will be writing another Substack when I finally get to see my work entitled “I’m not the actor I thought I was” - but as I turn another year older next week I’m going to celebrate the new me that 2023 has given. What a present!